Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Operation Purity has been aborted
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
please don't ironically join a cult
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