sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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