He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize