i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
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some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
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I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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