our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
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still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
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I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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