if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
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I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
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I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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