the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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