I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I got inside last night via doggy door
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Randomize