you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize