I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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