just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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