you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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