You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
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I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
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The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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