I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize