i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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