It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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