is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize