Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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