PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize