Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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