someone get that fucking seahorse.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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