he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
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Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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