I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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