No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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