What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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