She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
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Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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