So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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