I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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