i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize