If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize