now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
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she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
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It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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