He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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