Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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