Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
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I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
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Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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