I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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