I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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