u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
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You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
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Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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