when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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