Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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