Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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