you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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