So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
These tits shall not be calmed
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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