Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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