im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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