What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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