Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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