the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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