he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize