like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
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Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
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So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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