I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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