You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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