my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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